Pierce Mattie Public Relations New York & Los Angeles

Let’s start with John McCain:

The Grooming PR Pros: He was clean shaven, his wrinkles were smoothed out with Botox and he did not have the typical red face that we have seen in the past. His talcum powder is working in his favor.

Grooming PR Con’s: Where do I begin? To tell the story of how great his skin can be? The refined and no spotted skin of thee! Was it just me or did his hands look like they had been wrapped in plastic isotoners and then speckled like Easter Eggs? Come on people, can we bleach those sun spots?

The Lifestyle PR Census: We said Palin seemed a bit fragile, maybe some osteoporosis vitamins and Visine, etc. OK so take that for McCain times a ga-zillion. Lord of good posture, can he please sign up for a Pilates class? Watching him walk across the stage was like watching Julian Beck play the preacher from The Poltergeist movies, “Carol Anne?” Did anyone notice how he dropped the mic after each rant like he was “done!” That is a big public relations no no! Do you think that TJ Walker, media trainer to the pros, would agree that this behavior illustrates someone who is not willing to follow through on their deliverables and is not hands on? I think so!

The Fashion PR Pros: Great tie, very candy striper “I am going to save ya and have a Merry Christmas,” all at once just in time for Halloween.

The Fashion Cons: Butt pads or shoulder pads? He seriously lacked the body volume that could've said, “I can and will lead this country to a great new term!” I felt like if the airconditioning was on high speed we would have found him under the desk. Were the shoes patent leather? Did he borrow the fabric for the suit from Sarah’s shiny black skirt the week before?

The Grooming PR Pros: Great makeup, he looked done, but not done up. He was matte, but still glowing and his skin was not ash tone, which is hard to do with ethnic skin. Great job make up artists! His hair was well blended with the gray and it worked. His hands were strong and yet oh so soft at the same time.

The Grooming PR Cons: Erratic alopecia bald spots, what was up with that? We could have done some spray on to fill it in, yes? And didn’t his lips and eyes seem a bit drawn on?

The Lifestyle PR Census: He stood tall and sat graciously during McCain’s boring rants with total ease, he has a great stature. Only complaint that Michelle will confirm as well, is that he needs to eat more and can easily gain 20lbs.

The Fashion Pros: Though my fiancé would love his periwinkle tie for our wedding grooms-maid colors, I have to argue that it was too royal-passive and not in season as it’s not Spring. A regal pop of blue would have better suited him in the long run mixed with some yellow.

The Fashion Cons: The suit looked like McCain’s, it was Palin-shiny from the week prior with a two button front and it looked like it was from Men’s Warehouse. It was boring, flat and cheap, maybe next week he should wear something with a little texture.

Cindy & Michelle: Ummm what was up with Michelle Obama’s red holiday dress and that odd gold decoration in the front mixed with a gouging zipper in the back? Do you think anything got caught on it when she sat down? Who is helping her here? Cindy – Escada or not – you looked flawless, but ran off stage so fast it was like Cinderella before the pumpkin's ball.

Overall – the background of the florescent Tammy Faye red carpeting made my architect of Media Oasis’ Edward Thornton’s head spin with the tacky blue walls and stop light go/stop instructions it was beyond elementary for Nashville. Let’s hope that next week’s Hofstra sets a better stage. We could always do Pace University's Actor’s Studio if need be.

*Photo Credit: Pictures 1 & 2-Reuters.com; Picture 3-LA Times/Charles Dharapak/Pool